Dear Charlie Sheen! You might want to bite your tongue a little. That thing you said at the Emmys, about maybe not coming back to Two and a Half Men next season, was kind of passive-aggressive. You can't leave, anyway. The show would have to be called "One and a Half Men," and that just sounds dumb.

Plus, we don't want you to leave. Save for that insufferable laugh track tacked onto every joke, your show is still pretty damn funny even into its seventh season. You are awkwardly charming as Charlie Harper, the rich guy with poor taste in clothes, a penchant for penis jokes, and a constant supply of hot babes at his beck-and-call. Your interactions with Jon Cryer are still biting, and your banter with Conchata Ferrell is still priceless. Monday's Season 7 premiere proved it -- and also showed how Charlie's matured to less of a ladykiller and how Jake (Angus T. Jones) can handle PG-13 humor. It's difficult for any show to withstand seven seasons on the air, and you've managed to rise to the occasion gracefully, squeezing gentle slapstick, bawdy jokes, and a unique family dynamic into 22 minutes. Keep it up, Charlie. They can't do it without you.
 

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