Cripes, there wasn't a secret safe last night on True Blood! Before the opening credits even rolled, we found out what Sookie really is: A faerie. Not that it took a Mensa membership to figure that out, after that freaky dream sequence a few weeks back, with all the chicks running around in flowy dresses and soft lighting. Either she was gonna turn out to be a pixie of some sort, or our girl was an escapee from a tampon commercial. But still, the truth finally came out and now we have something to work with.

Since mystery loves company, it seemed like the big faerie reveal opened the door for everyone else's deepest darkests. One after another, folks started getting honest, from Sam flashing back on his days as a con man who offed his duplicitous partners like some sort of shape-shifting Sawyer; the new waitress at Merlotte's confessed to being a Wiccan; Arlene told Terry that her unborn baby wasn't his; and Crystal exposed her panther self to Jason, who finally came clean with Tara about killing Eggs. Unfortunately, while the truth may set the young buck free, the news sent Miss Hysteria even further over the top. (Seriously, she needs to dial it back about 150%)